Unimaginative, hyper-conventional criticism kills art in culture; and, nothing says hyper-conventional criticism like Roger Ebert's most recent professional incarnation. Ebert called 'Water for Elephants' "a classic story told in a straight-forward style." To me, that means it's a boring, slow, schlocky, over-dramatic, two-dimensional, rehashed, cliche-ridden piece of garbage. It seems like 'Water for Elephants' is the perfect movie to lull you to sleep on an airplane and just another excuse for Hollywood to try, in vain, to convince the world that Reese Witherspoon is compelling; she's not.
I used to love reading Ebert's opinions and insight, but that insight is long-since decayed. Now, he's just scraping to stay relevant in a time in which criticism and the medium of film is being altered by a quantum revolution in creation, production, and distribution.
Why won't Ebert just bow out gracefully? Why does he still espouse his nostalgic, conventional, outdated opinions, which I can't even call criticism because they're simply reflections of his own bitterness and struggle to recapture a long-lost, romanticized ideal of film.
Let it go, dude; 'Water for Elephants' is standard schlock and nothing more. Ebert, you were great once, but not anymore; get a hobby and enjoy your twilight years. Let us look back fondly on your illustrious career and leave criticism to those of us who better understand the culture of modern movie-making and the future that you're trying so hard to squash. It's over, bud.
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