...and in this corner

This Monday is the Mega Douche competition where Kevin Smith and Tim Burton will battle it out for supremacy over all the other douchebags. Woody Allen's Asian step daughter/girlfriend, Roman Polanski's statutory rape charge, even Stanley Kubrick making Shelly Duval cry does not hold a candle to these two regular ends of the human digestive tract.

Tim Burton burst on to the scene in 1985 directing America's favorite pervert in Pee-wee's Big Adventure and started down the path that would make him known for the weird and macabre. He cemented his name in the comic book world with Batman, and Batman Returns, and stitched himself into the firmament of epic failures with Ed Wood and Mars Attacks!. In the case of the last two, the ironically chosen bio pic about the legendarily bad B director, and a spoof on the 50 alien invasion flicks that ends when the aliens' heads explode, the audience wondered if it was art imitating life or vis a versa. Burton tried a couple high profile remakes like Planet of the Apes in 2001 and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in 2005. Proved by the weak box office none of those were in danger making the public like remakes.

It is worth noting that with Beetle Juice and Big Fish Burton has the potential to make decent films but seems to prefer not to. But even in the case of the few good movies, this anti-fan puts them in the 'even a blind squirrel finds a few nuts once in a while' bin.

Taking the opposing side is Kevin Smith. It is oft remembered that he broke on to the scene in 1994 with the Cannes success of Clerks. mistakenly suggesting it as his first film. Alas it is not true. Clerks was his first success but in 1992 he and Producer partner Scott Mosier made Mae Day: The Crumbling of a Documentary. What started as a legit attempt at a documentary turned to epic failure and the final cut of the film. What is said to be lack of preparedness ruined the feature and became what will always be his first movie.

With money from a fresh deal struck with Miramax, Smith completed what would be called the 'Jersey Trilogy', Mallrats and Chasing Amy and the last of his critical success for some time. The one note director juggled the only two or three original thoughts he ever actually had into Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back declaring the end of the Jay and Silent Bob era. 2004 brought Smith's first attempt at a film without the two loner stoners, but Jersey Girl still could get Smith's lips off of Ben Afleck's ass. With total critical loss and a world of fans asking "what the fuck?" Smith hid for two years and returned with the film he said he would never make and the first of many hypocrisies, Clerks II. It did well and resonated with some fans but not this one.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Cop Out make his recent filmography. Zack and Miri doubled it's money at the box office and got some decent reviews as did Cop Out. But with the last, it seemed more like a verb than a title.

That is the two contestants in a nutshell. Thanks to IMDB for the links and be sure to tune in to episode 5 or Freak and Silent Blob get bitch slapped.